i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
