he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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