I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
