Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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