i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
