Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
