chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
