So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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