just come out here and I will go home with you...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
