exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
