oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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