I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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