My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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