But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
