there's paper in my vomit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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