I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
