he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
