I hate all girls vehemently.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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