is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
