She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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