So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
