Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
