Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
