She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
