just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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