There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
