Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was CRYING into my vagina
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
