i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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