apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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