I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
