When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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