I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
