last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
