made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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