She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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