and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
