We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
