The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
