Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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