shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need water and some morals
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
