Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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