mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
