ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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