I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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