I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
