Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
