Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just tell him i said nine months
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
