So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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