im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
