Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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