Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
