How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
