We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
