he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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